It's near the end of October, the snow is marching down the mountains, the light is draining. I am dreading the advance of winter and may I start my life over again?
Do you know that feeling when you sit in church and suddenly you realize you know nothing? You've done nothing? You're a lumpy, bulky assemblage of pride, sloth, gluttony and selfishness and you wonder if you have done anything right in your life at all. . . And you suddenly worry that maybe you serve God only because of all the good stuff He gives you . . . And then you wonder about your "worship" and the way you lift your hands when you sing, and has all your time in the Word of God been just some clever ploy to finally get what you want, which is the Good Life, the American Dream of freedom and happy pursuits, all that---and hold on now for the finale: all that----freedom, happiness, independence---plus God. Wow--way to have it ALL!
And it gets worse, of course. All those who suffer, who are suffering for His name, and then this life I lead, this easy easy life, and the way I waste money that could feed someone starving . . . . My stomach turns, my heart tanks and I despise myself and I would wear sackcloth if I had it, but maybe sweats are good enough. Sweats, no makeup and a shorn head.
I need a rescue, I know, but don't whisper to me words of esteem and self-love. I don't want Oprah or Osteen "Love Your Lovely Self Because You're Incredibly Amazing" kind of words. Nor do I even want the Christian version of those words, like this:
This is titled, "Who You Are: A Message to All Women." I heard another "Spoken Word" performance for women with words like this at a conference last year----spoken by a 20 year old college kid to women twice and thrice his age. Honestly, neither of these work for me. I hope it works for you and God bless you if it does!! Maybe you feel encouraged and inspired---Hooray!! But for me------maybe because he's not a woman? Maybe because he's younger than some of my sons? Maybe because he doest know me at all, or know anyone I know? Maybe because he has no idea what my life is like? I wonder if we are hearing these words too often these days:
We are beautiful. We are loved. We are worthy. We are awesome.
Yes, these are true words . . . . But apparently we're having a hard time believing it, because the message is said again and again in so many venues (yes, even here, by me.) Here is the real problem, I think. We know ourselves too well---And so these words are hard to believe. AND--we don't know God well enough---And so these words are hard to believe. If we spent more time looking at God, at His capacious love, his scandalous sacrifice, his patient mercies and outrageous rescues right now---and through ALL time and if we spent less time pumping ourselves up about our own beauty and worth----- I think we'd be okay.
The goal, really, dear friends, is not to love ourselves, but to love God. With all we've got: heart, soul, mind, strength, muscle, memory, senses, will---everything. And if we want to repair the damage of the past and present----those who belittle us, who think us unbeautiful, unworthy, who refuse to hear us or see us or love us---affirming words will never be enough. I know this.
And You do too. It takes more. It takes the blood of a Savior, the death of a Redeemer, the fire of the Holy Spirit, the living breath of God's word in our souls.
Words like these: And even when we were dead in our transgressions, He made us ALIVE together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and RAISED US UP WITH HIM, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus!!!
And these: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great LOVE with which He loved us, even when we were DEAD in our sins, made us ALIVE together with Christ---by GRACE you have been saved!!
And out of thousands of verses, just one more: " . . . in all these things we are MORE than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
From the Love of God for us in Christ Jesus our Lord . . ..
When you are low and feeling unloved, unbeautiful, not-awesome, turn to these words and believe GOD, Believe how Great and Awesome HE is-- Believe how worthy HE is, Believe how holy and beautiful HE is, Believe how Trustworthy HE is,
and then you'll know who you are:
Rescued, redeemed, beloved daughter and son of THIS God.
Yes. Now----Believe it.
Tried to listen to the guy telling women how awesome they are but thought I might throw up....oh my gosh! So embarrassing and cringe worthy......couldn't get through it.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! So gratified to hear I am not the only one who was/is embarrassed by this attempt. It's well meaning---but oh so wrong on several levels!! Yay for spoken word--but you must know your audience (and your theology!!)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it wonderful that when love God we experience His love and acceptance and with those roots we will overflow with a self image people so desire. There is a mystery about it
ReplyDeleteYou're right. This IS a mystery, Bill. And you're so right that it comes as the overflow of knowing God. When we pursue self-love first---we just get all tangled up . … thank you!!
DeleteYes yes... it wasn't until I let God get big enough to cover all of me...all my lackings and failings and not enoughs... all the ways I thought I did not measure up...when God became so big... I could see myself in a new light...because He is my light!!! encouragement is great... but words never penetrated me... until His Love covered and conquered me!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this, Ro: "His words never penetrated to me--until His love covered and conquered me." We try to start with US first---but it just doesn't work. When I speak God's words about who I am---then I am moved by who HE is!! And I am made well. Thank you!!
DeleteI agree with you! Even in that video of "I Am Awesome," he says--"You deserve someone who would give up his life for you." I don't agree--we stand before a holy God and thank him that because we were sinners, he loved us anyway, and died for us. We are not awesome, GOD IS!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Diane. Yeah, I don't know if we can say we deserve to have GOd die for us. Not at all. Just the opposite. That's the point of the gospel--that He came and made us alive when we were DEAD. Thank you for your good thoughts!
DeleteAll I have to say to these gorgeous words is, AMEN!
ReplyDeleteSeeing its World Series time, let me put it this way Leslie: HOME RUN! No, GRAND SLAM!! We sing it often, "My life is in YOU Lord, in YOU, it's in YOU!" And thanks for the great photos you always include. And another great reminder Who He is! BTW missed you in Israel Aug-Sep this year when we were at the Garden Tomb. Plan to be back Feb-April 2015.
ReplyDeleteRon & Cindy
Ohhhhh!! Don't I WISH I could go back---and see you there!! I KNOW you're doing great ministry there. You guys inspire me!!
DeleteThe truth is that most of us spend way too much time thinking about ourselves and others' perceptions of us, and way too little time thinking about the God's-eye view. Thanks for this no-nonsense post.
ReplyDeleteYou're so welcome, Michele. I couldn't sleep for 2 days thinking about this video and that performance at the conference last year . .. so glad my un-ease is echoed by so many. Thank you!!
DeleteYou nailed it Leslie. There's no absence of material on how to more deeply love our awesome selves. Beauty begins on the inside when we praise our God. However, I still wear lipstick to take out the trash, (is that wrong???) Now excuse me--after watching that video I need to throw up...
ReplyDeleteWinn
Winn---okay--I felt very queasy watching this as well. It's a bit preposterous, that a young guy would speak this message "To ALL Women." And no worries, I'm the same kind of Alaska woman---the kind who can gut fish and take out the trash and climb mountains---but preferably all will be done with lipstick. It's not the Holy Spirit, but it does give me energy!
DeleteLeslie...
ReplyDeleteSorry....had to cut off the feelgood Osteen Clone and hit the Tums. Last time I checked myself in a mirror, I reminded myself that in order to be beautiful, to myself, I would do well to do beautiful things to others who needed something worthy done unto them. If I'm a self-absorbed, needy vacuum that sponges off of everybody and gives nothing in return, I'd probably see myself as pretty homely. In order to build self-esteem, you have to earn it yourself by denying yourself and putting others first. Nobody can give it to you. You have to look yourself in the eye when you look in the mirror.
Years ago I served under a terrible commanding officer. One day at an all-hands meeting, I asked(from the back of the crowd at Q&A time) if he used an electric razor. He said yes...and asked why. He never saw who asked the question and chuckles rippled through the ranks. Half the crew got it: You don't need a mirror with an electric razor....
This is SO good: "in order to be beautiful, I would do well to do beautiful things for others . .." And--"to build self-esteem, you have to earn it by denying yourself and putting others first." Excellent prescription for beauty, Andy! Thank you!!
DeleteI absolutely LOVED this post, Leslie!!!! Thank you for reminding us of what is truly important!
ReplyDeleteSo glad it was meaningful, Susan. Thank you for reading---and writing back! (And may we all pursue true beauty--the beauty of Christ!)
DeleteWhen I look deep within, I see tangled a mess of uglies that seep from a sin-stained heart. Believing in myself is not the answer. I agree, Leslie -- it is about God and His love and His glorious power! This video makes it sound like the goal is to feel good about ourselves. I’d rather hand my brokenness to God and live in His grace. Love your words, Leslie!
ReplyDeleteGretchen---ohhhh, you must be a writer!! So well put! 'I'd rather hand my brokenness to God and live in His grace." Yes, perfect. Thank you!!
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