Father's Day is almost here. Some of you will take your father to dinner or a baseball game. Some will panic. Some will feel guilty. Some will go to the cemetery with flowers. Some will send a sentimental card with sincerity. Some will turn away from thirty minutes at the card rack empty-handed and sad.
I know. Don't we all know? I am here at fish camp, in Alaska, a place my father never came to visit. He never visited me at all, not once. There are so many things I would have shown him, had he come, had he eyes to see and a mind to care . . . Look, Dad, I would have said:
It's the first week of fishing. It's been nasty all week.
Here are the eaglets I get to watch:
Look, their father is bringing them more fish for dinner!
A fin whale washed up on the beach last spring. Here is all that is left:
See the love in my house, Dad?
I cannot say any of these things to him---my father is gone now. But I have learned from him some things I'd like to pass on to you, if I may . . . Perhaps your father is here?
Some fathers cannot converse.
Some fathers cannot wonder.
They are so full of certainty and their own solved life they have no strength to break free into another's life, or to see the riot of stars and whitewater rivers, the eaglets on the cliff, the spider web outside their office window. Allow yourself to still speak your questions and your wonder around him.
Some fathers cannot praise.
They are too angry at themselves and all the ways their life has gone wrong, they cannot find words to speak the good they see in you. But you know many words of praise. On Father's Day, speak one of these to them.
Some fathers cannot laugh.
They have seen war, or too much bourbon or boredom, or too many highway miles, or too many headlines, or too much medication. Tell them about your promotion and the funny mixup at the swimming pool today. When you laugh, you help them remember.
Some fathers cannot believe.
They lost their faith along the stony, narrow way. The Church was petty, the boss was vindictive, the divorce was bitter, the son's loss inexplicable, the Christian friends silent and absent. Visit and call as often as you can. Let them see faith wearing flesh and presence.
Some fathers cannot hope.
They cannot imagine a life beyond the room and house and job they are living. They cannot see anything but decay and loss ahead. They cannot imagine heaven or a God who could love them. Make them their favorite cake and sit and watch a movie with them.
Some fathers cannot love.
They cannot for more reasons than you will know. But, wondrously, you have found so much love in your life, you give it away for free and it does not run out. Let him see this in you.
But these are not all fathers. Some have taught their sons and daughters all these things: conversation, wonder, laughter, faith, hope, love, and praise. Joy to you all!
For the rest of us, and we are many, we have learned no less from ours---we have simply learned from another Father, the one we will see face to glorious face when we are done. Now, we're given the chance to pour out all our Father has given us upon these fathers, who are yet as needy and starved as we once were. If we have yet to do this, Father's Day is a good day to begin even one of these.
Do this in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost,
all of whom name you, already,
with one voice,
My precious son,
My righteous, beautiful daughter,
My Beloved Child.
*************************
**I pray you find a word of hope and help here. If these words are meaningful to you, would you consider sharing them with friends? I am ready to send out 5 books
May God enlarge every heart this Father's Day!
So thankfully,
Leslie
This made me breathe deep breaths and sigh big sighs. So, so good. Tweeted it and will include it on my weekend roundup in time for father's day. Thank you, Lesley. So much beauty has been borne of your pain.
ReplyDeleteThank you, kind generous Bronwyn!! (What else can we do with what is given?) So gratefully, Leslie
DeleteLoved and tweeted this beautiful post. I don't have a difficult father relationship (though not a perfect one either) but I think in any relationship it is so healing and freeing to be able to say "The other person is not able to do this, for whatever reason(s) -- but today, at this moment, I can love, I can praise, I can choose." We have that freedom.
ReplyDeleteIndeed we do, Jeannie. In this way, we are so much freer than our parents (or anyone who has hurt us . . . .) Thanks for reading and tweeting!
DeleteThis made me cry. My dad lives a lonely life, but it is his choice. I try to visit him as much as possible. I'm still praying for the day that he will tell me he is ready to move in with me or my older brother. Until then, we continue to love him unconditionally!! Leslie, you are profusely blessed with words. You know just what to say to others. May God continue to bless us with your writings. -- Sandra Rodriguez
ReplyDeleteSandra----I know something of your background, and it's a huge witness to the power of the Lord that you can write these words. I hope when this happens that the timing will be just right. Since God is in charge, I believe it will. (And Thank you for your great encouragement!)
DeleteI will share on FB and keep writing and catching salmon and posting gorgeous photos of your part of the world which has beauty every time you walk out your door!
ReplyDeleteBonnie---it is true. I am blessed this way. thank you for sharing!! Will let you know if a book is coming your way!
DeleteMy father is very passive and my mother is aggressive.My mother was very emotionally abusive and my dad just allowed it. He always said he wanted to keep the peace which never really happened. I would love to read this book. Maybe it would help me with my relationship with them. Thanks
ReplyDeletecmwinter123@att.net
Cynthia---sorry to hear this (and I understand . ..). Sending a book your way.
DeleteMy father died many years ago of alcohol related disease and I still long for that relationship that never was. A book like this would be helpful to put things in perspective and release my anger at the father I never had.
ReplyDeleteZosha, so sorry that was your experience with your father . . … Would you send your email address to me? (leslieleylandfields@gmail.com)
DeleteTweeted - and shared on facebook.
ReplyDeleteI am the fatherless daughter of a man still alive.
He chose to disown me almost 10 years ago (via email) - a generational pattern from his side of the family. He is/was an abusive alcoholic narcissist, so I don't miss him.
But I do grieve the loss of the daddy my little girl heart wishes could've been.
Thank you for this beautiful, hope-filled post.
Laura, this is so hard . . . and I know how this is, the twin dragons of loss and yet relief from the disowning. There is no real comfort from either. Would you send your email address?? (Leslieleylandfields@gmail.com)
DeleteLeslie, Thanks for your post. Shared on my fb page. I lost my father to addictions when I was six, but didn't process the grief until I was 43. God was so faithful to me during those very difficult six months. It was out of that loss that I began the journey of knowing God as Father. Today I can say with confidence that because I had lost my earthly father, I gained a Heavenly Father who never leaves or abandons me and is always with me. Wow! My email: heathertuba366@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteHeather----so so good. It truly takes my breath away how God is able to restore, even after such losses. He is the only One who can turn the great caverns in our lives into birthing rooms. Thank you for sharing Heather!
DeleteI'm sending this to my husband after I say thank you. I pray with him through the pain of a living yet disinterested father. But at the same time, I know I do not fully understand this wound and how far reaching the scars. And now I see the way it wounds our children, the forgotten grandkids. We trust for God's redeeming in this, because He is the Redeemer and nothing is beyond Him. Thank you for sharing hope and grace and a better way.
ReplyDeleteThank you Karen. And this is how we bring heaven to earth---even in these huge vacancies. It's always sad to lose a father in all the ways we lose them. But I'm so glad it is not the last word!! Blessings----and thankful for your sympathetic heart, which is also part of his healing.
DeleteHeartwarming, encouraging, reminding me of what's possible in all relationships as the love of Christ heals us and compels us.
ReplyDeleteThank you Suzanne!
ReplyDelete