I dreaded going to bed that year. Every night I would lie down tentatively, my stomach gnawing. I knew I wouldn't sleep without food. I could function during the day without food, but not at night. And, of course, I couldn't eat. That's the sickness. It is almost impossible to eat.
I had no food in my room or money to buy food----but my roommates had a fridge. And one of them had peanut butter. I would wait until everyone was in bed and would sneak to the fridge, my toes cracking in the silence. Furtively, I would grab the jar and a spoon, my heart pounding, and eat several mouthfuls, then put it back and slink to my room and bed, finally to sleep. I did not do this every night, just the nights I had to. One night I opened the jar and found a note inside: "Be sure your sins will find you out."
I was caught. Guilty. I never ate her peanut butter again. I just kept starving myself. But the sin I felt guilty for was the wrong sin. My sin wasn't stealing. It was hating my body and trying to make it disappear.
We have so many ways of hating our bodies. Have you seen them?
Bestselling books tell us how:
The 4-Hour Body:
From the website:
"Thinner, bigger, faster, stronger . . . . Is it possible to reach your genetic potential in 6 months?
Sleep 2 hours a day and perform better than on 8 hours?
Indeed, and much more! The 4-Hour Body is the result of an obsessive quest, spanning more than a decade, to hack the human body."
For women, hacking the body looks a little different.
So we have competitive shows –the Biggest Loser---that hack the body in alarmingly short periods of time. (And now poor Rachel is the object of worry and scorn.) But what do we expect when the body is the enemy that must be starved and hacked and exercised 6 hours a day?
Or-----simply starved.
But we know that perfect, hacked bodies
are very useful---for selling things:
And we don't need whole bodies and faces. Just pieces of bodies are enough.
These perfect bodies can be used to sell anything, even
Yes, cancer research . ....
(But, thank goodness, some industries are safe, beyond sexualizing. What can they do to my family's occupation----commercial salmon fishing in Alaska??)
Who knew??
And—down that same road, instead of using bodies in ads, why not use the body AS an ad, like "Billy the Billboard," who auctions off space on his face and body to the highest bidder.
And—down that same road, instead of using bodies in ads, why not use the body AS an ad, like "Billy the Billboard," who auctions off space on his face and body to the highest bidder.
OR---there’s another direction we can go. We can overcome the limits
of these fleshly bodies by slicing them open and inserting transdermal implants.
These are real life people—who do indeed call themselves
cyborgs, a subset of transhumananism: man and machine as
one being. Man's mind is really only the useful part. The body? Oh so much better as a machine.
And when the body and face start aging, we can hack
that another way too:
Some of this is new---but under the skin of
it, we’ve been doing it for millennia.
We've believed for thousands of years that this body is mine. Your body
is yours. It's my property. I can do
what I like with it. I can hack it, starve it, sell it, pierce it, scar it, ink
it, magnetize it …. It’s mine. (And after 6 years of pregnancies and 6 years of nursing,I wanted my own body back soooo badly!!)
At the heart of all of this, in what might look
like a glorification of the body and the celebration of the body and its beauty
and sexuality---in fact, it’s the opposite. For all of our
modernity and all of our technological
advances---we hate our bodies now more than ever. The faster and further we pursue technology, the more we resent our fleshly mortal humanness, which limits our true potential. (We could be so much MORE!! 2 hours of sleep!)
It sounds
just a little familiar . …
"One bright morning when this life is over, I'll fly away
WHen the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly . . .
I'll fly away . . .. "
And there we
are----us good Christian people dreaming of wings and halos and a fleecy airy
heaven in the same company with cyborgs, transhumanists, supermodels and Madison Avenue, all of us either turning the body into a commodity, or ignoring it altogether, and eating whatever we want, allowing ourselves to mushroom into diabetes and ill health, unable even to climb the stairs. We long for another because we're wasting the gift we've been given.
Dear Friends, as someone has said, "We do not have bodies; we are bodies."
Dear Friends, as someone has said, "We do not have bodies; we are bodies."
And so shall we ever be. We will never not be a body.
Nor do we own our bodies, ourselves.
"Or -----didn’t you realize that your body
is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t
live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The
physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual
part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through
your body." (1 Cor. 6, The Message)
Did you hear that?
"
"Let people see God in and through your body."
I am working on this, too.
Friend, don't punish what God
loves.
Don’t despise what God made.
Don’t trash what God cherishes.
When you do that, when you hurt your body, you’re
hurting all of us, the Body of Christ. Our body.
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know??
Don’t you know??
Your body’s not yours. Love it like it’s God’s.
Because it is.
Because it is.
Thank you for the reminder that our bodies aren't our own. :)
ReplyDeleteCarol, I was ready to post a whole theology of the body, but thought I should stop there. That's the first most essential thing, isn't it?? thanks for being here!
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ReplyDeleteOuch! This stung quite a bit and I'm grateful! Thank you for taking the time to write so thoughtfully and to find photos that precisely illustrate your point. I'll need to re-read this every month or so:)
ReplyDeleteYes, I know, I know. For me too. This is definitely one of my struggles.But I AM struggling toward living out the truth. That's a great start for us both, yes??
ReplyDeleteOh...how I have known this struggle with self-hatred...in my 20's I punished my body...over exercised...under ate... I spent a week in the hospital where God spoke as clearly as I had ever heard Him...He told me that I was killing myself and spitting in His face...telling Him I hated who He made me to be....I admitted that night I did hate who He made me...and this honest moment was a turning point and started me on a long journey to healing...and yes,.. Yes...that He has made us all amazing creatures and our bodies are an amazing display of His beautiful design.
ReplyDeleteWow, Ro, so sorry you went through that . ... (WHy is this so common for women? Why is this so many of our stories?? Much to reflect on here. ) So grateful God has lead you to healing (and me as well)
DeleteThis is so good for me!
ReplyDeleteI am a 62yr old woman who is struggling with self image and learning to treat my body right.I never have!
Thanks Leslie! Now if we could only avoid all those TV ads, magazines, pictures on the internet. Thank God he loves us as we are, now we need to accept that. Especially as women.
ReplyDeleteI know . . .. it helps me a lot not to have TV (but of course I watch movies). Yes, God does take as just as we are.It's hard to believe sometimes, but true. (Lord, help our unbelief).
DeleteYes! Even though I'm trying to hold this dust together with healthy living, I confess my vanity is still at stake.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I will admit it right up front! There is so much vanity in my whole mix of dust and spit. But it's all very complicated, with other things thrown in as well (who would not rather walk light upon the earth and squeeze into small spaces??) And 100 more ... thanks for reading, Stephanie!
DeleteVery funny. To hear our virtuous moderation reduced to "squeezing into small spaces." Of course, you meant "jeans."
ReplyDeleteYes, of course!!! (And airplane seats . . . .)
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