I ditched my island a few days ago---for a smaller one, 42 foot fishing vessel “Dreamer.” I spent the day and nearly the night with a friend, Dave, and his crew. I went with camera and raingear, to watch how others live and catch fish. To get wet and work on the deck beside them. I went, in short, to see how they lived---the first of many trips ahead on other boats and places and islands, to see about this life on the ocean, how others live it, survive it.
I am beginning (finally!) a sequel to my memoir, Surviving the Island of Grace, and already, such grace comes. A new book grants permission for such things.
My job was to stack corks as they were winched on deck. A quarter mile length of corks, piling so high I soon could hardly reach them and had to stand on the rim of the stern to keep going. At the end of each set, more than hour of cork-stacking later, I was breathless, wet, and ponderous.
Sometimes we are given holy moments when we look up from our commute over a river bridge, from cleaning a bathroom, from cutting our elderly mother’s toenails, from surveying the view from a mountain summit, from wiping a baby’s bottom, from stacking corks on the back deck of a fishing boat in Alaska-----and we are astonished. We find ourselves, suddenly, for a few minutes, strangers in our own lives. How did we get here? How did this life come to us?
We blink in momentary blindness as the thin tether of memory and history lets go and we are unmoored, drifting, strangers in our own lives, seeing the strange work of our hands. And a few long seconds later, we wake and remember the decisions that set us exactly where we are, that led us to the man we said yes to and the children that came, to the job interview and the promotion, to the building of the house on the island, to the nursing home where our mother lives, to the stern of a fishing boat. And the flash of possibility is over.
My day on the boat ended at 1 a.m. It was just dark then. The small boat chugged the miles back to my island. A skiff took me to shore, dropped me off in water deeper than my knee boots. I plunged into icy water, shivering. It woke me. It was a low minus tide, the skirt of the ocean pulled back, our gravel beach deeper, further than I had seen it for awhile, the ghostly lights of the boat glowing our beach warehouse yellow.
What was this place? I trudged up the beach with the ocean in my boots, up the long hill, tired from a day and night working on the deck. I did not know myself or this haunted island or the hulk of house looming in the dark that I walked toward. How have I come here? Whose life is this?
I opened the door and stood for a moment in the night-still house. I could hear breathing. I heard the kettle steaming on the oil stove, saw my mug beside it. The dog stirred and came to me, sniffing and licking my wet legs and feet. Then from the bedroom, “Leslie, is that you?” my husband calls.
I return to my life, my own house. Yes, the house I built with Duncan. I remember now.
Did we plan our lives? How have they come to us? Out of a thousand possible places to live and a million people we could have joined----how are we here, with these people, now? There is only one real answer---and it cannot be spoken because it is like the wind and the Spirit that blows through and around us. We don’t know where it comes from or where it is going, but we read in the Psalms, that before we were even made, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
Somehow we have chosen. We have chosen again and again the lives we are living, though so much of the time we did not understand what we were choosing. And some of what we are living is what others have chosen for us, what we never would have chosen for ourselves.
And somehow every path we have taken, the smooth and the rough, is the path already known for us.
Who can fathom this? But Know it is true. Believe it.
And believe there is wonder and beauty and love and goodness and purpose even in the hardest places of the life you have chosen, the life you have been given.
What are you doing with this “one wild and precious life”?
Instructions for living a life
"Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it."
-- Mary Oliver
*****************************************
Sweet Summer Giveaways!
I would like to send you something sweet from this island life. I have just made Rhubarb Ginger jam and Golden Rhubarb Marmelade from the lushness of this island. I’d love to share it with you---along with a copy of my memoir, “Surviving the Island of Grace.” I wish I could send this to ALL of you---but can only choose four. How and who do I choose? I would ask this favor first. Would you share this post and this blog with your friends on Facebook? Just let me know you’ve done that in the comment section---and then I will put your names in a boot and stick my wet foot in the boot----and the first four that I peel off my foot win! (Does this sound democratic enough?)
May the stickiest names win!
Pick me! Pick me! Enjoy your blog, follow you on FB, and have liked and shared this blog.
ReplyDeletecarolpeterbirch@gmail.com
Hi Carol! Thanks so much! Melissa and I made the jam. More jam sessions to come---and Melissa is planning on sending some home. Stay tuned! (Do you have a Surviving book?)
DeleteI have shared your post/blog on FB and will pin it to Pinterest as well. Love and miss you, Leslie!
ReplyDeleteLindsay! Great to hear from you! (LOVE the photos of your children! You're an excellent photographer!) Love and miss you too---and thanks for posting and pinning! Leslie
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have shared your post on my Facebook page (not the first time)...my eldest lives in Fairbanks with her Army Captain hubby, so your photos help me 'live' the wilds of Alaska. I enjoy so much reading about your adventures.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.facebook.com/cathymilllerbenton?hc_location=stream
I'm not sure how this works with my Google Account...but here goes:
Cathy Benton
cbenton0603@gmail.com
Got it, Cathy! (Are you related to Lloyd Benton in Kodiak?) So glad you have found this connection to Alaska. May your name stick to my foot!!
DeleteNo relation to Lloyd... South Alabama girl, here. Currently reading and enjoying The Spirit of Food. Wonderful!
DeleteHi...Oh...LOVE your blog and would love to be STUCK! I do not have a facebook...wah....but I will tweet this blog...can that count??
ReplyDeleteI've posted and pray it sticks!! Amy :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy! I hope it sticks too! Thanks for posting--and for being here!
DeleteI just deactivated my facebook (to detox).
ReplyDeleteNonetheless I would like to let you know that i enjoyed reading this post. I do find myself wondering, more often now in amazement, how i've come to where I am now. And sometimes i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. It's nice to be reminded that He knows everything before we even begin to understand. And that all we should do is simply to trust that He knows best.
Have a great day... from the tropics.
Guia---I applaud you for that step, to step away from Facebook. I have to set limits on myself---it can indeed be dangerously addictive, and strangely, depressing. I am praying now you will see and know God's presence with you in all you are doing there. Peace, and thanks, Leslie
DeleteI look forward to this blog whenever you post. I have posted to FB and hope that this comment gets posted. I am at Word press at Keepasharpeye, but somehow it doesn't like me to post!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying someday I will be able to come to your writer's week, and take in some fishing too!
Diane
Diane--thanks for your persistence in trying to post! Thanks so much for posting the words here. And I too hope hope you can join me in a coming year!
DeleteHi Jenny!! I hope you get stuck too!! It is indeed a sticky business to have to choose among so many. I want to send it to everyone!! But---will have to trust the foot and boot on this one ... A bi hug from here all the way to way down there! Leslie
ReplyDeleteOh. Amen. Thank you for trying to articulate what is, and is yet beyond us, the mystery of choice and sovereignty. I think that is wrapped up in what Paul prays for the Ephesians, to "know the height and depth and length and breadth of God's love, and to {experience} this love which transcends {late night discussions trying to understand predestination and free will}, that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." I have been given much goodness, and somehow, the freedom scares me. So I'm falling again, today, into the wild grace of it all.
ReplyDeleteI am SO EXCITED that you are working on your second memoir. I have my copy in a bag, waiting for a friend to borrow it. Please keep us posted. There is an expansiveness in your writing which reminds my soul to take a breath. What a gift.
I am also not on FB, but the thought of getting stuck to your foot makes me grin.
Amy----thanks so much for this. WHile I use Facebook and depend on it in many ways (because I live so far away from most people), it's a counter-cultural courageous thing to forego it. I applaud you!! (And I think your name will still go in the boot.) Thanks for your so encouraging words! It will take me awhile to write this book--and I will remember your enthusiasm as the months (years) and the sweat rolls by . ... Leslie
Deletejust give a holler if you need a reminder (c:
DeleteI just posted a link on Facebook. I know your b-i-l Weston from my days of working at Grace College. When you talk with him or see him next tell him Bob and Paula Ibach say hi. Would love to read of your Alaska days. I have eaten salmon brought back by Wes for his faculty colleagues and spouses to eat.
ReplyDeleteHello Bob and Paula, Thanks for writing. Grace? Wow, amazing . . I don't see Weston often, we're on different islands, but I'l be sure to pass on your greeting when I do. Thanks so much for reading and posting . ...
DeletePaula! You won! Please send your mailing address asap!! A little box is waiting for you!!
DeleteI am sharing this with my daughter who is feeling overwhelmed at all of the directions her life may take. Praying she will be led to a moment of astonishment as I was while reading this.
ReplyDeleteBev---I hope she does indeed. I know it's hard when you're young and so much seems possible---and what direction to take? Yes, as I look back, I see how God was in all of it. I hope she can rest in Him, and in that . ... (thanks fore reading and sharing) Gratefully, Leslie
DeleteThis is I would dearly love to win. You've put into just the right words that elusive feeling that sweeps over me. This feeling like a stranger in my own life. I love your writing and your heart - even if I don't win!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, lInda. I'm glad our feelings are shared. What a mysterious life we are living!! Knowing so little----but being given enough ... Hugs and prayers (and your name in the boot!) Leslie
DeleteLinda! a little box coming your way! What is your mailing address??
DeleteLeslie,
ReplyDeleteYour words go down easy.
I'm sharing this on FB and Pinterest.
Thank you. So kind . . . thanks for being here so faithfully.
DeleteI posted this on Facebook. I love reading your blog. I love reading about Alaska, especially seeing it through your eyes. Did your pesky bird ever give up?
ReplyDeleteThanks Lynn. No, tubby is still at it, day after day. We've decided this is simply Tubby's year of blessing---his jubilee (plus we can't reach him).
DeleteLove this blog entry! Just returned from two weeks in Uganda and would never have dreamed this leg of the journey God has granted us at this time of our lives. I feel like Abraham's servant who, when recounting his finding a bride for Isaac, declared, "I, being in the way, the Lord led me." Thanks for this opportunity to win a copy of your book. I read a friend's copy, and it's been the book I most recommend this year.
ReplyDeleteJulie---how fabulous, that you got to go to Uganda (I have been there as well ... ). God is not through surprising us, is He?? Ohhhh, so thankful you enjoyed the book. Yes, I hope you get a copy of your own!!
DeleteShared it on FB Leslie! Thank you for sharing this adventure. I am totally captivated.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda! I can't wait for more adventures on other boats ---and you will certainly hear of it! (thanks so much for reading and listening ...)
DeleteI shared this on my Facebook wall. Can't wait for your next book!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa. I have a book coming out in January (Forgiving Our Fathers and Mother). This new one will take a year or two. Wish I could write faster---but then it's not as "fermented" . . . Trying to have holy patience! (And work holy hard!)
DeleteAlways need another book (haha, don't tell the Biker) and jelly would be lovely, specially rhubarb, all the way to NH from Alaska. Now, the Biker would like that.
ReplyDeletePat---you're hilarious!! We'll keep the secret. And your name goes in the boot!
DeletePat! You won!! WOuld you send your m ailing address asap??
DeleteYour on my Facebook, and better yet Your on my Blog Roll!!
ReplyDeleteYour amazing and a true source of wild and wonderful words.
Blessings, Roxy
Roxy---thank you, most sincerely, for everything.
DeleteIt's with delight that I've shared this blog with my Facebook friends. I hope they'll take up your challenge to "believe there is wonder and beauty and love and goodness and purpose even in the hardest places of the life you have chosen..." Now that quote deserves a jar of jelly and a copy of your book!
ReplyDeleteIngrid---it is out of that sentence that I made the jam and wrote the book! I hope they come to you . ..
DeleteIngrid! You won!! Would you send your mailing address asap??
DeleteHi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteShared your blog. Thanks for a great article
Posted your latest entry on my Facebook page just now -- after reading it with resonating heart from our Moose River cabin here in Sterling. Thx for sharing your heart and soul so poignantly.
ReplyDeleteJan VanKooten
Done - and happily so. This is lovely. Beyond words, lovely. Thank you, Leslie. If I should be blessed enough to win - I'll share both the marmalade and the book with my almost 92-year-old mama who is fading away with dementia but somehow, is still in there somewhere.
ReplyDeleteDiana---your 92 year old mother ... wow. Well, you got my heart on that!!
DeleteI've had a copy of "The Summer Day" on my refrigerator ever since I came across it in the first issue of Wigwag, a great little journal that didn't last very long. I found it at the University of Pittsburgh bookstore. That was 25+ years and four refrigerators ago. We see a lot of young professionals come and go at the newspaper, and when they go, I give them a copy of that poem as a parting gift.
ReplyDeleteWhat am I doing with my one wild and precious life? Paying attention, being astonished, telling about it -- among other things, like cultivating friendships, even with far-off folk I have yet to meet. All kinds of good things I couldn't have foreseen 25 years or 10 years or even 10 months ago.
I'll share this on Facebook, but since I've had the glories of island marmalade and your book, I won't be greedy -- no need to put my name in your boot.
Thanks Laura Brown, you who sent me treasure from your own creative hands and "island." (So I must find this poem!!)
DeleteThank you for your words. They are inspiring! Shared...
ReplyDeleteThank you Jill!! And thanks for being here with me ...
Delete"-and we are astonished. We find ourselves, suddenly, for a few minutes, strangers in our own lives. How did we get here? How did this life come to us? We blink in momentary blindness as the thin tether of memory and history lets go and we are unmoored, drifting, strangers in our own lives, seeing the strange work of our hands. And a few long seconds later, we wake and remember the decisions that set us exactly where we are,..."
ReplyDeleteYes. :) I find my moments usually involve mountains, like this summer staring at a clear sky and the Alaska Range with Denali/McKinley looming up in front of me. It was a hike we took in Kantishna at the end of the Denali road for the express purpose of seeing Denali without any cloud cover. I think most of my moments involve mountains, because I'm still. Not at home, trying to keep on top of a list that never ends. :) Thanks for the reminder we can have those moments (I've had a few on my front porch as well, but not nearly as many--and I like the mountains better :) most anywhere if only we're attuned to "the other." One of my favorite posts.
I've also shared it on my FB wall.
Cheryl Russell
Thank you Cheryl. I cannot live without mountains, personally (and ocean.) I have gotten so spoiled that way . .. I find myself wondrous in moments of both great beauty---and in moments of great drudgery (like, picking kelp. I've got to write about picking kelp ...) Thanks for sharing, Cheryl!!
DeleteYes, the ocean as long as mountains are close by, but not the sandy beach. The rocky beach in Homer by Katchemak Bay-yes. The sandy beaches of Florida-not so much. :)
DeleteLooking forward to your thoughts on picking kelp. :)
Cheryl Russell
My editor pointed me your way. Today. Of. All. Days. I say a resounding yes to the holy moment and the holy life. (I shared on Facebook)
ReplyDeleteThank you Susie! And welcome to this corner of the world! So glad you were salved today. (What mystery!) Your name goes in the boot!
DeleteDear Leslie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your wondeful reflective post. I am in the midst of life with three boys, ages 7, 5. and 4. so not always so much time for pausing and reflecting! But sometimes I do wonder the questions you asked. I really enjoyed your post and the big sense of getting out and beyond my day to day details. Really enjoyed and shared your post.
Bless you!
Susan
Hi Susan! Ohhh, I do understand about the busyness of your life! And I know that boys never stop moving, so you're in perpetual motion as well! Thank you for taking the time to read--and to write back. Blessings on your house! Leslie
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI love your blog and your writing. I lived in Kodiak for 8 months (and became friends with Lindsay Cournia while I was there, actually - I found your blog from her Facebook page =)
Your words so perfectly describe what I felt while living in Alaska and many times since. Thank you for the beautiful description! I shared on my Facebook page.
Blessings to you,
Christie
Christie! Wow, you lived in Kodiak? (Are you in the Coast Guard?) Lindsay was a wonderful friend for too short a time--but so glad you've joined us here! Your name goes in the boot! Stay tuned!
DeleteWould be my pleasure to share your blogsite on fb! And may my name stick to your foot. :-) I would love to read your book!
ReplyDeleteBarb Winters
http://inthemidstof.wordpress.com/
Hi Barb! I hope it does as well! Good luck! (and thanks for sharing!)
DeleteAlways share your post when I can! Very thought provoking! I too would love to read your book! Posted on Facebook! Leni Wegmann
ReplyDeleteHi Leni! Good to meet you here! (I think you've commented before, but I didn'tknow your name. thanks so much for being here--and your name goes in the boot!!
DeleteI shared your post on Facebook, and have done so before. Here's what I wrote:
ReplyDeleteI love this blog. Lesley's beautiful words and pictures paint the life of an Alaskan fishing family and take you into the heart of God. If you think you live the adventure of Christ, you need to read this.
I'd love to win, but hope even more to win you a new reader. You're an amazing writer. And lots braver than I can imagine.
Blessings,
Stephanie Kane
carrytheblessing.com
Carrie! Thanks so much for those most kind words (Can I live up to them? I don't know! Maybe by effort AND grace!) I so appreciate you being here with me. Without readers, it's hard to write .... Blessings on your weekend, Stephanie!
Delete(Stephanie--sorry for the goof on your name .... Wow, a pre-senior moment . .)
DeleteIt's a pleasure and a delight to share an FB link to this and to be acquainted with the one who penned it.
ReplyDeleteI too, have often pondered the strangeness of living a life I never could have imagined, especially in regards to my occupation. At times, I'm tempted to consider the word "ordained," but that seems a bit too heavy-handed. Still, at the root of that word, there is "order." I find it a comfort that there is a devine shaping of my days that lends meaning and significance beyond what my mere choice or chance could provide.
Although I cannot say to what grand or ultimate purpose I live, this side of heaven, I see the hand of the Maker, as you advise, when I reflect upon its past and present state. And now that I am days away from retirement, I suspect that I'll have even more opportunities for wonder.
Thanks for the post.
Bob---thanks for your thoughts and reflections here and thanks for posting. Days from retirement? that is indeed significant. I do wish you much time for reflection and yet still work .... what would we do without the work of "ordering" our days and our hands and minds? Yet, maybe like the Sabbath, retirement will bring not cessation from work but rest within your work?? (As writing feels to me---some of the time.) Blessings, friend---and many thanks, Leslie
DeleteEver since I was able to circle a date on the calendar a few years back, I felt as though I was retiring >to< something and not just >from< my job. I am eagerly looking forward to being a student again this Fall semester and hopefully finishing my (long overdue) Bachelor's in Creative Writing in the Spring of '14. After that, the SPU MFA program, perhaps? Then there's also the developing interest in photography, land in Northern Idaho I'd like to build on, travel long deferred, etc, etc.
DeleteI also recognize the need to recover and heal from 28 years on the fire department where "normal" sleep patterns are only a distant memory. More so, I hope to move away from the soul-wounding reality of seeing the consequences of people's fallen and sinful choices and actions. I trust that will come with grace and time.
Shared this on my facebook page. I love reading your blogs. : )
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your life with us.
- Sandra Rodriguez (UMHB)
Hi Sandra! Great to hear from you! (I'm shuddering though thinking how hot it must be down there right now!!) Thank you so much for sharing the post! (I did do the boot drawing a few days ago .... sorry I didn't get your name in there! I'll have another drawing here before the summer is out.) Sending warm thoughts! Leslie
Delete